


Freefall

by berniecampbell



Series: Give Me Back My Point of View [2]
Category: Holby City
Genre: Angst, F/F, berena - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-24 08:44:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8365780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berniecampbell/pseuds/berniecampbell
Summary: When Robbie comes back to Holby, hoping to sweep Serena Campbell off of her feet, she lets him, deciding she deserves to be happy. However, when Bernie returns from the Ukraine, things get complicated.





	1. Chapter 1

Somehow, after Robbie had come into the hospital, aiming to steal her heart away again, she'd wound up at Albie's with him. She'd agreed to one drink so they could 'properly talk' as he put it. However, one drink turned into two, which was rapidly becoming three and now the prospect of Robbie the Bobbie isn't looking so terrible. She catches a glimpse of blonde curls out of the corner of her eye and her heart soars for a moment, before realizing that it's not the trauma surgeon she's been pining over the last month.

"There was someone else." She confesses, unable to look at him. She stares down at the table instead, her heart thudding in her ears. "It, it didn't work out, and, they're gone now. But, I just... I thought you should know." She says, nervously taking a drink of Shiraz. She doesn't know why she feels the need to tell him. It's not a lie, it is over between her and Bernie. But, she makes very sure to leave out the pronouns to avoid questions. "Sorry." She says, and she's not sure why she's apologizing, but it feels like the right thing to do.

"Serena, I'm the one who should be sorry." He says softly, taking her hand in his own, and she looks up at his face, surprised. "I never should have walked away. I knew you were what I wanted. You and Jason both, I... I should've stayed." He sighs and moves closer. "I love you." He says, and her heart physically aches in her chest. She has longed for weeks to hear those same exact words, from a different set of lips.

He leans in and cups her cheek, and she closes her eyes so she doesn't have to look at him any longer, afraid that she will burst into tears. She tries desperately to be in this moment with him, to think only of him instead of the last kiss she'd had. His lips are too rough, and the scratch of his beard feels like sandpaper on her skin. She pulls away after a moment and forces a smile, because she knows it's what she's supposed to do. He smiles back brightly, and offers to see her home. She declines, knowing what will happen if she does; she'll hate herself in the morning and nothing will be gained, just more loss.

Instead, she tosses and turns alone in what feels like a huge bed, and dreams of having her hands inside of a body, blood all the way up to her elbows. She takes the heart and massages it, but it's no use. The patient is bleeding from practically everywhere. When she looks up to tell them it's alright, to give whoever this is some semblance of hope in their last moments, she realizes it's her.

She wakes up with a jolt 20 minutes before her alarm is set to go off, and places her hands over her chest, making sure that she's not bleeding out. Tears fill her eyes and she sits up, quickly brushing them away as they fall down her cheeks. Jason is already up and as she focuses on his soft footsteps in the hallway, trying to slow her heartbeat to a steadier pace. The tears begin falling in earnest and she gives up on trying to wipe them away, instead pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them, letting herself sob hard.

"Auntie Serena?" She hears from right outside the door, accompanied by three sharp taps. "Yes, just one moment." She says, trying to pull herself together. She takes in a shaky breath and gets to her feet, using her sleeve to dry her face. Knowing that Jason won't take kindly to waiting, she walks over and answers the door, pulling it open just a bit. "Are you alright? I heard you crying, and you're not supposed to be awake for 17 more minutes." Jason says rapidly, concern in his eyes. "I'm fine. Just had a bad dream." She says, sniffling. She does her best to smile, and, Jason seems satisfied. "Alright." He says, watching her for another moment before turning and walking away.

She leans her head against the door frame and closes her eyes for a moment, trying to shake the dream. Her phone buzzes on the nightstand and she practically lunges for it. It's Robbie, and she hasn't even realized how far her hopes had risen until they come crashing down around her. She briefly wonders if the gaping hole that Bernie left in her heart will ever be filled.

_Good morning beautiful. I enjoyed our chat last night. Hope to have another soon._

She sighs and puts the phone down, unable to form a reply in her current state. She walks into the bathroom and turns on the shower, stripping and stepping under the hot stream of water. 30 minutes later she's ready to face the day, and she grabs her phone, texting Robbie back.

~

Two days later, she's agreed to a date with Robbie. He really is trying, and, she tries to remember how good it had been between them. Robbie _loves_ her. She is doing her best to forget Bernie Wolfe. Her hands and her mouth and her voice and the way she made Serena's entire body tingle from a single gaze. Robbie orders for her and she tries to find it endearing like she once had, but, all she can think of is Bernie at the Italian restaurant, fumbling over her order and gazing longingly at her when she thought Serena wasn't looking.

No. Robbie is here now. Robbie. Robbie. Robbie. Bernie.

"I need to use the bathroom." She says, feeling like she's about to suffocate under the weight of everything that her mind is throwing at her. Once inside, she looks up into the mirror, and stares into her own eyes. "Come on Campbell, pull yourself together." She says, standing straight. She's going to go out there and be happy. The memory of Bernie Wolfe isn't going to control her anymore.

~

Six weeks later, she's made good on her promise to herself and fallen into some semblance of happiness with him. They'd agreed to take things slow, needing to rebuild trust. Serena also needed time to heal, time to forget the destruction that Bernie had left in her wake.

Robbie is in her office, the flowers he'd brought a few minutes before sitting on her desk. "I know you were stressed this morning, I wanted to brighten your day, just a bit." He says, leaning down and kissing her gently. She smiles against the kiss, and hears a knock at the door. "Come in." She calls, still looking up at him.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'll come back later." She immediately recognizes the husky voice, and her chest constricts painfully, her head snapping up. "Bernie." She breathes, and Robbie steps away from her, immediately extending his hand. "Hello, I'm Robbie." He says, giving her a large bright smile. "Bernie Wolfe." She says, and Serena can tell her smile is forced.

"You should go." Serena says, her voice a lot cooler than it had been a few moments ago. "Alright." He says, turning and kissing her on the cheek. "I'll see you tonight." He says, beaming at her. She forces a tight smile and nods. "It was nice to meet you." He says, and Bernie nods at him. "You as well." She says, looking up to meet Serena's eyes. "Welcome back." Serena mutters, before following Robbie out of the office, ready to kill Hanssen.


	2. Chapter 2

It's been an incredibly difficult 72 hours. The red phone has rang 4 times, and each time, she and Bernie have both assisted with the resulting surgery. They barely talk, and don't touch unless they're inside of a patient. Bernie hasn't even apologized for abandoning not only her, but the trauma unit they'd worked so hard to build. Serena goes home at the end of the third night, thinking that she might be able to do this. As long as the invisible wall stays up between them, they can move forward. Not as lovers, not as friends, but hopefully as colleagues.

She walks into the house and the smell of garlic is the first thing to hit her. Robbie is here, and, she's immediately greeted with a glass of Shiraz and a kiss. She can't help but smile up at him, forgetting the turmoil her heart has endured for just a moment. He's so good to her and she immediately feels guilty for letting Bernie take up so much of her thoughts the past few days.

They eat and talk and laugh, and Serena is happy that Jason is away tonight. Because if he was here, the only thing they'd talk about is Doctor Bernie, and she is desperate for a break from the trauma surgeon. Serena washes up while Robbie goes up to get ready for bed, pulling out her phone when it buzzes loudly in her purse. It's a text from Bernie, two words. _I'm sorry_. Serena stares at it for a long time before deciding not to respond, instead going upstairs and changing before climbing into bed.

Robbie comes out of the shower, completely clean shaven, and for the first time, Serena lets herself imagine softer skin and sharper features. Blonde curls that she can tangle her fingers in, brown eyes that cause her to absolutely melt. There are tears in her eyes afterwards, and Robbie just kisses her, shushing her gently.

~

Bernie won't stop looking at her like she's the most precious thing in the world, and, it's becoming quite a problem. They still haven't talked about what happened, just a simple "Did you get my text?" followed by a quick nod from Serena. Serena wants to talk about it, but, there's never a good time. Between patients and conflicting shifts, not to mention the unease that seems to settle around them whenever they're within six feet of each other, there is never a good time for Serena to ask Bernie just what the hell she was thinking. Why she felt the need to abandon what they'd built, personally and professionally. Why she's making everything so damn hard on both of them by playing the martyr. So, they keep going. Shoving through patients and paperwork while trying not to break under the pressure.

Serena walks in on Robbie that night shoving something into his jacket, and a dread fills her like she hasn't known since Edward. They make plans to go out to dinner at the end of the week, and, when Robbie gets up to go to the bathroom, she rushes over and removes the small velvet box. It's a pair of gorgeous diamond and opal earrings, and she breathes a sigh of relief, her heart rate starting to return to normal. She quickly shoves the box back into his jacket pocket and moves to sit back down on the couch, taking her glass of wine and downing it in 4 large gulps.

~

Finally, Friday night rolls around and Robbie has taken Serena out to one of the nicest restaurants she's ever been to. She's sure that he's going to give her the earrings, and she is surprisingly having a good time. That is, until Bernice Wolfe walks in with a gorgeous redhead following close behind. They're seated a few tables away, Bernie facing away from Serena. She has a clear view of them both though, and she tries not to focus on them. So, Bernie is on a date. Fine. She's on a date too. There's no reason they have to acknowledge each other.

She manages to ignore her for a solid two and a half minutes before giving in and letting herself glance up. The redhead reaches across and takes Bernie's hand, stroking her thumb over the skin on the inside of Bernie's wrist. Her blood boils and she focuses on her meal, shoving the lettuce around before looking back up at them. Bernie throws her head back and laughs, and Serena is completely transfixed. Her eyes trace the curve of her neck as she imagines wrapping her fingers around it while she gets Bernie off with her other hand.

She shakes her head and looks up at Robbie, seeing that he's been talking about something and she's completely missed the first part of his story. "Something more interesting?" He asks, and she can see the hurt that's settled into his features. "I'm sorry darling, I just..." And then Bernie is laughing again and Serena sighs. "I've got a terrible headache." She lies, and takes his hand across the table.

"Tell me again, from the top." She says, but he's already waving the waiter over. "If you're not feeling well, we'll go. I'll take you home and you can put your feet up and we will put on an old film. Yeah?" He asks, and she smiles at him, a genuine smile, before nodding. "That sounds wonderful." She says, struggling to keep her eyes off of Bernie. When they get up to leave, he turns to drape her coat over her shoulders, and stops for a moment, his whole body tensing up. She immediately knows that he sees her, but he doesn't say anything, just takes her hand and leads her out to the car.


	3. Chapter 3

It's been nearly a month since Bernie's return, and, things are almost going well between them. They 're very rarely alone together, and when they are they've both gone to great lengths to avoid any topic that isn't strictly professional. The wall is still up. Still intact.They'd saved a woman earlier in the day who'd been hit and left for dead. Against all odds, she's made it through and when Bernie looked up at her over her mask, it was with so much love Serena felt her heart break all over again.

45 minutes later, Serena is ready to go out with Robbie. She's wearing a tight black dress and heels that give her an extra three inches. She knows she looks exceptional, and she's glad she doesn't see Bernie on her way out of the hospital. It isn't until she gets to the car that she realizes she's forgotten her keys. Sighing, she goes back inside and sees Bernie standing at the filing cabinet, a pair of glasses she's never seen before perched on her nose."I thought you would've gone home." She says when the blonde looks up at her.

"Oh, no. I was just finishing some paperwork." Serena doesn't miss the way Bernie's eyes sweep over her body. She's frozen to the spot until those same eyes travel up to meet hers. Then, she's moving to her desk, rifling through it for her keys. After a few moments of shaking hands pushing papers and various other objects around, she finds them and grips them hurriedly."I'm off then, goodnight." She says, knowing if she stays in that room any longer she will suffocate under the weight of Bernie's stare.

"Serena." She hears, just as she reaches for the door handle. It's no more than a whisper, but it still stops her in her tracks.

"You look lovely tonight." Bernie says. She turns back around to look at the other woman who gives her a wobbly smile. It's all over then, the wall shuddering under the weight of all the tension that's been building between them, and turning into rubble before her eyes. Suddenly she's shoving Bernie against the wall, her mouth immediately going to the pulse point she'd fantasized about so many times before. She bites down before moving up and kissing the other woman hard. "Serena." Bernie tries to protest once they break apart, but it's futile.

Serena grabs her hands and pins them to her sides. "Don't move." She says, all authoritarian. None of the timid woman that she's been around Ms. Wolfe since her return. Bernie can only nod as deft hands sneak into her scrub pants, past her panties and into damp heat. She watches as Bernie gasps and her eyes go wide. Serena feels like she's not in her own body anymore. This is someone else. Someone who loves Bernie Wolfe. Who wants to watch as she falls apart on her fingers. Serena works her up quickly, and as Bernie mewls and moans under her, she closes her eyes.

That just won't do, not today. "Look at me." Serena commands, and as Bernie's eyes open, her gaze meeting Serena's, she falls over the edge. Serena clamps her other hand over her mouth to cover the wail that Bernie releases before pulling her fingers out roughly. She looks down and studies them for a moment before grabbing a tissue and wiping her hand.

Without another word she leaves the office.

~

Robbie drops by to bring her lunch the next day and kisses her right in the middle of the ward, causing Fletch to whistle loudly when they break apart. She rolls her eyes and smiles, turning to scold him. Instead she locks eyes with Bernie, who looks like she's just been shot, and Serena feels guilt crash over her.

She looks down and blinks back tears, before looking up, right into Robbie's intense gaze. He looks between her and Bernie, who has looked away, going back to whatever paperwork she was working through before. Serena can see Robbie piecing it together, and she knows in this moment that everything she has worked towards with him has disintegrated with a single look.

"I think we need to talk." He says, and she quietly follows him to her office, sitting in her chair while he perches on her desk. "It was her." He says. It's a statement, not a question. She slowly nods her head, unable to look at him. She lets out a breath she didn't realize she was holding, and a weight is lifted off of her chest at the silent admission.

He reaches down and places his index finger under her chin, gently tilting her head up so she can look at him. "I love you Serena." He pauses and gives her a sad smile, shifting his hand so he can cup her cheek. "But, I won't be your second choice." She takes in a shuddering breath, the tears that have been threatening to fall finally spilling onto her cheeks.

"I can see how unhappy you've been since she's been back." He gives a bitter chuckle, shaking his head.  "I thought you were just stressed from work." He says. "I'm sorry." She sobs, pulling away from him and putting her head in her hands. "I'm so sorry." She says again, wiping the tears away and sniffling.

"I'll have my stuff out by the time you get home." He says, and then he's gone, out the door and out of her life.Bernie steps in a moment later, closing the door behind her. "Serena." She says, kneeling down in front of her."Please, please, please..." Serena is saying softly, still crying at the mess she's made of her life.

"What can I do?" Bernie asks, covering Serena's hand with her own. Serena looks into Bernie's eyes, and then they're both leaning in. When their lips meet, it's with none of the hostility of the night before, only warmth and love. Bernie is pulling away though almost immediately, and Serena feels her heart go with her.

"Please don't leave." She's practically begging now. If that's what it takes to keep Bernie Wolfe here with her, to keep her within the walls of this hospital, she'll do it. "Never again." Bernie says, looking into Serena's eyes. Everything that has happened between them falls away for a moment, and Serena lets herself trust Bernie for the first time in months. She knows this won't be easy, but as Bernie takes her hand and kisses the palm gently, she lets herself feel hopeful for the future.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested follow my [tumblr](http://bernie-campbell.tumblr.com/)


End file.
